HONK HONK!
You're suddenly zapped back to consciousness by the impatient driver behind you, gesturing at you to get a move on since the light obviously turned green more than two seconds ago, and he's in a hurry. With a roll of your eyes and an exasperated sigh, you're on your way. But you can't stop thinking about the very thing that distracted you in the first place - the bumper sticker on the car ahead of you that proudly proclaimed one of the most outrageous statements you've ever seen.
There's nothing wrong with personal expression and all the creative urges it fulfills. But enough is enough. Must there really be a bumper stick for *every* cause, belief and/or accomplishment out there? Have you ever found yourself glaring at the driver who finally zooms past you after miles of tailgating, only to see a sticker on his bumper that states he wasn't tailgating after all - he was draftin'! Well thank goodness he cleared that up for you - you had spent the past ten miles cursing him for riding your bumper for no reason! Or possibly you've avoided hitting the car that pulled out in front of you simply because that yellow diamond reminded you there was a Baby on Board. Otherwise, it would have been fair game, even if their kid could have beaten up your honor student.
You don't have to own up to any of your own bumper stickers (we all have those skeletons in our closet - it's okay) but tell us, what are some of the most outrageous, unbelievable or just downright dumb stickers and/or auto flair you've ever seen?
Tuesday, January 22, 2008
Drive It Like You Stole It
Posted by A Pea at 12:02 PM
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12 comments:
A Pea, you must have been reading my mind! I apologize in advance if I offend anyone. Proceed with caution and with the knowledge that I threw that disclaimer out there.
I was behind a giant pick up truck last week and saw this gem in his back window:
It was a GIANT American flag with this surrounding it: "Why in the hell should I have to press 1 for English?"
Are you kidding me? Are you really that much of a bigoted asshole? Oh, wait, silly me. Apparently all of *your* ancestors could speak fluent English as soon as they stepped on US soil.
I could go on for days...
All the various pro Dodge/Ford/Chevy, etc. flair that seem to dominate full-size trucks. Even better is when they're accompanied by that little boy peeing.
On a Jeep upside down: "If you can read this, roll me over." Can I call 911 first? Because you probably need more help than I can deliver just by rolling over your vehicle!!
I know this is awful for me to say, but the one that takes the cake is "When Judgment Day comes, you'll wish you had Jesus flair."
Really? That's the best you can come up with? Call me crazy, but I feel safe enough in my beliefs and think my relatively moral actions might speak louder than a piece of plastic stuck to the back of my car.
Yep. That's me getting struck by lightning.
> "When Judgment Day comes, you'll wish you had Jesus flair."
Oh my... I'm speechless. Wait, who am I kidding? No, I'm not.
I mean, honestly, does that person really think that's the deciding factor?? I can see it now....
(insert hazy dream scene)
I'm at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter says, "Next!" I step forward.
"Name?"
"T Pea."
"How did you die?"
"I was trying to read someone's bumper sticker that said, 'If you can read this, you're too *&^%$#@! close!' when a squirrel ran out into the middle of the road and he had to slam on his brakes."
"Was there Jesus flair on your car?"
"Um.... no....?"
"NEXT!"
He pulls the lever and I fall straight into the burning, fiery pit of my doom.
.
.
.
Only to be greeted by my old friend, A Pea!!
;)
I've seen some really good and really bad bumper stickers, but I have to say that the most disturbing thing I see on trucks is the pair of "B***S" that hang from the back of some of them. I find it absolutely disgusting every time I see it. Don't get me wrongs, I can appreciate "crude" humor at times, but this is just crossing the line!
I hear ya Jenn! What about those horrible lady silhouettes that you always see on trucker grills and mud flaps?? Classy.
Hmmm...
There are a variety of bumper stickers out there with some version of: I'm not just angry, I am a bi***. These always irritate me...why, why, why would you proudly call yourself that? If you are one, shouldn't you be trying to learn to be a nicer person, not broadcasting it?
Also, (and here's where I get hit with lightening?) I really don't like the "Jesus is my co-pilot" or similiar religious themed bumper stickers--is this really how the Lord wants us to spread his message? Really??? There are so many of these that I find bizarre..."The 10 commandments were not multiple choice" "Jesus take the wheel" "Got God?" etc. These always make me cringe...
Git 'r done.
Save a horse, ride a cowboy.
Cowboy Up (What the hell does that mean?)
Enough said.
How funny that I tell my son to "cowboy up" all the time. We picked it up at a rodeo in Cody, WY this summer. It is similar to "man up" and I say it whenever he is whiny. Silly I know.
The most offensive bumper stickers to me are the ones that say:
1. Marriage = 1 man + 1 woman (then underneath it says 'The 700 Club', as if I couldn't have guessed)
2. My Kid Beat up Your Honor Roll Student...fabulous, not only does my child have to heal from the beating but his hardworking tax dollars will one day go toward supporting your kid as he sits in prison!
My favorite one of recent days is the license plate holder that reads, "You're following a PRINCESS."
Oh, yes. I should've guessed. I wonder if Princess Di every drove a Chevy...
SUNDAY, SUNDAY, SUNDAY!!! Uh, I mean THURSDAY, THURSDAY, THURSDAY!!! Comin' atcha live from the Avilla Motor Speedway, with four fantastic wheels of fury, Thee Over-Compensator!!! Come watch Thee Over-Compensator crush all things small, and as he barrels away, check out his tailgate with sponsors and stickers that read...
"Cowgirl up, save a horse and ride a cowboy"... sheesh, that's one big sticker
"Kodiak... the cool chew"
"If real men cry then I guess I'm a woman."
"Busch Light... almost beer"
"Jesus take the wheel then crush some of these damn imports"
How about FUNNY? The best one I saw was "I found Jesus, and if no one claims him in ten days, I get to keep him!"
Sorry if that's offensive to anyone... it's just something that made me snort when I saw it. ;)
Thank you to Erin for explaining what Cowboy Up means. Now it all makes sense. :)
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